Port Huron

a place where everyone sucks at life.
full of sl-ts, and jack-sses only looking for sl-ts.
a redneck town trying to be city.
full of crazy farm girls and wild turkeys in apartment parking lots.
a place where everyone knows your name, and who you’ve slept with.
a sh-t hole breeding ground for sc-m bag losers.
all on the backdrop of a gorgeous great lake, ph has great potential but needs to vomit out the bullsh-t first!

and who can forget the wonderful blue water bridges??? with a beautiful view of canada’s factory’s

in the summertime, mixed in with the wonderful smell of fresh cut gr-ss and cat p-ss!

ah…home sweet home….
bob – “so what do you think h-ll is like?”

phil – “have you ever been to port huron?”

bob – “that bad huh?”

phil – “no, port huron is worse”
a magical land where no one ever grows up. like neverland. only no one can fly. maturity is difficult to find, until you manage to gtfo and go to college.

unfortunately, some port huron natives never make it out. and some that do still find it difficult to get a life and leave their pre-teen drama behind.
b-tchy port huron girl who never grew up #1: “omg! we should all go to the club and represent port huron!”

b-tchy port huron girl who never grew up #2: “omg! you are so right! i hear girls gone wild is in detroit! we should go be wh-r-s who think they are attractive!”

b-tchy port huron girl who grew up, moved out, and got a real life and a job after graduating: “no, you shouldn’t. because you are not nearly as hot as you think you are.”

port huron male: “i’d hit it anyway. but i kinda take what i can get around port huron.”
a place that is called a trap by anyone that has moved out.

most people stay due to family obligations, but admit that they are stuck and can’t leave without p-ssing off other “trapped” people.
great geography, but horrible infastructure. what city street this week is under construction and what bridge is stuck in the up position.
there is no work, so people drink. there is 49 bars, but not one industry that supports them. the useless people frequent these bars.
city hall is called the roche bar, and to be honest it’s the best place in the d-mn town.
how is it that this city, year after year and decade after decade is stuck behind the times. if you left ph in 2001 and came back now, the entire downtown looks the same.

and why hasn’t someone dumped some money into the dump known as mcmorran? cause the entire place is a dump.

if you are lucky enough to live there and go to college, let’s hope school blesses you with enough sense to move south for work.

how’s the 8 weeks of summer treating you all up there? i’ll tell you that the 9 months of summer down here sure is nice and there is jobs galore.
port huron, lake huron, marysville