profile ranger
(n): a profile ranger is a term for us military personnel who are, seemingly endlessly, on profile. as such, they partic-p-te in reconditioning in lieu of actually doing pt, rarely take their respective physical fitness tests, and are completely incapable of such basic and mindless tasks as walking, drilling, or rucking.
upon failure to employ a sufficient excuse to keep themselves out of physical activity, profile rangers without hesitation invent physical ailments and proudly proclaim them to the nearest attending medic. like a biological system restoring homeostatic balance, the profile ranger reverses this temporary fluctuation in their heart rate through trickery and nonsensical speech as though the mere thought of moving their jaw is physically exhausting.
why is jones not joining us for the ftx?
because he’s on walking profile.
oh, did he break his leg?
no, he’s a profile ranger.
day, by day, and all through the night, i’m on profile….
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