PseudoCybernation
the act of justifying one’s electronic unavailability, in the event of not wanting to be contacted (or simply scheming to not answer phone calls, text messaging sms, email, facebook wall posts, or im’s from friends, family, coworkers, the usual stalker, etc), with semi-credible plat-tudes.
this can be successfully achieved by placing the blame of such non-responsiveness on a shortfall in cell phone signal, end-of-life of current battery charge, accidental switching into vibrate/silent mode, and plethora of difficulties related to wifi.
all aforementioned alibis have a nice ring-of-truth, and there is no way your mom, your annoying 16-year old sister, your friend steve/heather (who only calls to ask for a ride or to borrow cash or score some of your weed), or that creepy dude from last thursday’s party whom you fb-friended when you were too drunk, can prove otherwise.
i
mom: mijo, i kept calling last night. i made hígado encebollado, nopales con verdolagas and lentejas, just like we do every tuesday.
you: darn, mom, i can’t believe i missed that awesome banquet. you know, it must’ve been when i placed the phone on vibrate earlier to go on pseudocybernation from steve. sorry i couldn’t get your call.
(bonus!)
mom: i tried to leave you a voice message, but your mailbox is full.
you: yea, i know. thing is, i’m waiting for verizon to do away with their stupid limit of 25 voicemails, so i’m protesting by keeping my inbox full.
ii
your friend steve: hey bro, i txtd you last night man! these two honeys wanted to get down, but they live all the way down in san ysidro. i was thinking maybe you could be designated driver since you’re doing that lent thing. wha happen yo?
you: aww, man! really?? i was out all day doing errands with my lil sis for her science fair project, but i didn’t have my car charger with me, so my droid died ‘cause i was using it to gps navigate around north park, and the google maps app literally sucked the life out of the poor battery. i couldn’t recharge until i got back from dropping her off at my parents’.
(bonus!)
your friend steve: but dude, you’re usually in and out of there like good weather in indiana!
you: yea man, but my mom begged me to try her tuesday special…
your friend steve: oh snap! is she still cooking that nasty liver with all that crazy green stuff?
you: ugh… don’t remind me…
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