rachael ray

aka raytard, ray-ray. the host of 30 minute meals on the food network. she is by far the most annoying “chef” on t.v. for the following reasons: she learned how to cook at ho-jo’s,she giggles incessantly, she dumps olive oil and chicken stock onto everything, she claims her food is “healthful” when it actually has loads of fat and calories, her voice soulnds like that of a 5 pack-a-day smoker, she wears unflattering clothing that accentuates her non-b–bs and her centaur-like -ss/thigh region, she looks like “the joker” when she smiles, she adds hotdogs to 20% of meals and makes 55% of main courses some sort of hamburger or sammie (sandwich), she uses dumb adjectives to describe food, and she makes up childish nicknames/acronyms because she claims they are quicker to use but she always explains what the nicknames/acronyms mean even if she uses them 10 times per show(so it’s a a total waste of time in the first place)
“hi, i’m rachael ray and i make 30 minute disasters. in the time it takes you to laugh your -ss off at this program, i’ll have made a cr-ptastic and totally artery killing meal which i will try to p-ss off as healthful from start to finish.”
raytard: “now, just pour the evoo-extra virgin olive oil-into the pan for about 5-15 turns around the pan…once the evoo-extra virgin olive oil-is nice and screaming hot in the pan, add your tasty meatb-lls”
“see, this b-tter tastes so nutty when you let it brown for a while!”
“lemme grab that smoky c-min from the cupboard.”
“i’m just gonna throw this cr-p away in the gb-garbage bowl and then i’m gonna move the gb-garbage bowl- over to the side to give myself some room to work”
a very annoying pseudo-celebrity chef who looks like the joker from the old batman movies. she constantly giggles, uses unessecary abbrevations, creates horrible unhealthy recipes, and wears unflattering apparel that accentuates her m-ssive -ss, and not so m-ssive b–bs. her voice is also very raspy and ho-rs-, and she exhibits many symptoms that would point towards cocaine use.
one of rachael ray’s actually recipes:

sirloin stew with watercress dumplings:
calories: 1019 (51%)
calories from fat: 424 (42%)
total fat: 46g (72%)
saturated fat: 12g (62%)
cholesterol: 168mg (56%)
sodium: 2261mg (94%)
carbohydrates: 68g (23%)
dietary fiber: 3.95g (16%)
protein: 67.97g (136%)
a somewhat hyper cook on the food channel. now currently has her own show on the abc network. wears tacky clothes, and does indeed look like the joker. trashed, and bashed repeatedly by many. has her own hatesite, but is still loved by many as well. does not clean nor prepare food very well. tends not to wash her hands when handeling meats, and spreads the germs on a damp towel nearby.
has an incredibly big -ss (which is nice), but unfortunately a cup br–sts if that much… 😡
rachael ray is going to give someone in her audience food poisoning if she is not careful.

rachael ray needs to cut down on the chicken stock; not everything needs chicken stock.

the act of balancing and carrying an excessive number of items at once. origin: on the food network show 30 minute meals, rachael ray often amuses herself by carrying all of her produce, spices, canned goods, and other ingredients in one trip from the refrigerator to her counter.
“wow, set something down! no need to pull a rachael ray.”

“carrying your lunch and the cat?! that’s one impressive rachael ray.”
obviously she’s the devil
rachael ray is the devil. thats it. plain and simple.
a woman who cuts up a pineapple and calls it cooking.
mrs. howl is serving her special “l’ananas coupé” dish at the potluck. she’s such a rachael ray
“rachael ray” is a slang term describing a woman with artificial, unabashed perkiness, an annoying voice and disproportionate physical attributes that, though unattractive in and of themselves, combine with the other factors in an unholy fashion to evoke the desire to bang her brains out anyway.

often feeds into latent s&m tendencies. due to the repulsive nature of having such desires, these inclinations are neither expressed nor confessed, and frequently erupt in fantasies of the oral or -n-l nature. see also “mary hart”, “joy behar”, and “ann coulter”.
1) “dude, i saw you out with that snotty b-tch from work last night.”

“yeah, i was drunk and went totally rachael ray on that booty.”

2) “that c-ked up chick at the bar flirting with you has absolutely no t-ts at all.”

“yeah, well she’ll be talkin’ like rachael ray once i get finished bouncing my meat staff off of her vocal cords all night.”

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