Rushden

location: rushden is on the a6 between bedford and kettering. it is connected to the larger towns by a w-nk bus service which takes an hour and a half to reach f-cking northampton.
governance: none. several failed attempts to enforce the law in the past.
history: there are several theories regarding the origins of rushden, i shall list only those that are given any serious consideration: a) rushden was created by satan, who had a w-nk and didn’t clean up afterwards. b) rushden was created in the 1950s by secret nuclear testing by the government, who in an effort to cover up the resulting crater as a town, inhabited it with the uk’s worst and dimmest. c) rushden is the unfortunate result of an attempt to break the world record in gathering the most people with no gcse qualifications in one place, they just never left. d) rushden was h-tler’s answer to r-t-rds, winston churchill just went along with it as a great idea.
sports: drinking, fighting, stabbing and long-distance running (from the police, who kindly provide f-g breaks for the partic-p-nts).
education: n/a.
supermarkets: asda and waitrose (if you’re a tory).
disclaimer: the writer will take no responsibility for anyone curious enough to see rushden for themselves after reading this. according to recent statistics by a vermin control group which formerly conducted (effective) training there, 98% of all visitors die.
“shall we go to rushden?”
“no.”

“h-llo, could you please tell me where i am?”
last words, knife wounds were found to the body.