Saint Ignatius College Prep

a catholic school in san francisco, ca full of sporty white people who wear paper-thin leggings and ugg boots every day. they never built a band room in the over 100 years it’s been around. it has good academics, and pe is the hardest cl-ss most students will ever take.

they are proud of how diverse they are: 35% of students aren’t white.

they have batting cages, 2 fields, about 5 tennis courts, a track, and a bunch of sporty stuff. when they hold m-sses, about half the student body is fried with weed, making the school a notorious rastafarian hotspot.

si has a rivalry with sacred heart cathedral prep, where they p-ss a trophy called the bruce-mahoney. they compete in football, basketball, and baseball. the winner takes home the trophy. the pep band is obliged to play for both schools at these events.

while most si students are close to unaware that they have a band and orchestra, their chorus is a world-touring, prize-winning enterprise, and their musical is very good and sells out every year.

most students have strong opinions about justin bieber and like either taylor lautner, robert pattinson, or harry potter. there are more unicorns than zombies, cowmen than farmers, democrats than republican, and don’t cares than pirates and ninjas. facebook is the most popular website, and mr. lorentz’ is the easiest religion cl-ss. latin is the most boysterous language cl-ss, and either spanish or french is the most popular.
kid at mall #1:”hey look, a kid in a polo, leggings, and uggs.”
kid at mall #2:”must be from saint ignatius college prep.”
si kid: -ignores the riffraff-
this is a high school in san francisco for rich, preppy pieces of sh-t who think they are superior to other people because they happen to be trust fund babies with sticks up their -sses. they like to pay recruits a lot of money to go to their sorry -ss school so that the sports teams can win…even though its f-cking high school. with an enrollment of 1,400, there are curiously few minorities…namely blacks. that could be due to the fact that they are ignorant racist b-st-rds…but is probably because no one wants to go to their sorry -ss school. the school, located in the sunset district in wonderful san francisco, contains a large amount of suburb kids who should keep their annoying, rich–ss, sn-bby, and sh-thead -sses at home.

there is a rather intense rivalry with a school across the city named sacred heart cathedral prep. a far superior school in terms of students and faculty, shcp is very diverse, noticing that not only whites can read. a school which actually prepares its students for life after school, shcp knows whats important. the “people” at saint ignatius are so envious and fussy about it their inferiority to shcp that they mask it and call sh names like “stupid” or “poor,” actions which make they si p-ssys…i mean wildcats…sound more like -ssholes if that were possible. yes, si has won the bruce mahoney trophy many years running, but little do they know that sh has been letting them win simply for the fact that they feel sorry for the poor little si kittens. as an added bonus, sh students could kick any p-ssy boy si student any day of the week…blindfolded…with a leg missing…and even if the si kid had a gun. si students are just that mind numbingly weak.
person 1: where do you go to school?
si student (wearing a pink polo and popped collar and aviators on cold, rainy day): i go to saint ignatius college prep.
person 1: i’m sorry.

person in san francisco: i don’t like saint ignatius. it’s f-ckin’ annoying.
person in san francisco’s friend: no sh-t. everyone knows that.