Santa Barbie

rich, white, sn-bby, rude, & typically blonde chicks with caked on makeup who attend university of california, santa barbara.
my santa barbie roommate refuses to acknowledge my existence and instead just spends all her time putting on 10 lbs of makeup and curling her bleach blonde hair.
hottest chick at ucsb.

who just so happens to be a model but is chill as f-ck
if you haven’t met santa barbie yet and you live in sb, you are most likely living under a rock
an extremely attractive model that resides in santa barbara and resembles a barbie doll but even hotter. and until recently most guys didn’t know her name thus creating the santa barbie nickname

-can often be found at isla vista parties on the weekend or throwing her own raggers in her beach house mansion

-santa barbie is also often spotted driving around in her range rover
-with over 90,000 subscribers on fb, she is the most popular first year at ucsb
ryan: dude, did you see santa barbie at the iv party last night? she was taking mad bong rips and shaking that tight -ss of hers

kyle: d-mn, i can’t believe i missed a party that she was at!

ryan: shoosh yeah, we need a tracking device on the b-tch

kyle: good luck ever tryna to get wit her; especially if you be callin’ her a b-tch

ryan: true that, maybe i’ll use the pick up line of “can i be your ken doll?”
the human equivalent of the barbie doll who comes to life & equates her barbie playhouse mansion with a future existence in a similar city. she envies the rich & famous & on coming of age she bestows her presence upon the city of santa barbara to bask in said party lifestyle (also known as education).

despite her affinity to the high per capita there, she purveys that she is not into commitment; she’s just there to have fun at any cost (to guys or her parents). her major is gold-digging 101 & her financial plan is a pot-shot at the 5-star pool of the elite via a free ride up the dna ladder. (oprah lives just over in montecito & i wanna get me some mansions…) the inherent flaws in her plan are:

rich people don’t marry poor people, their families arrange marriages with other rich people’s children. (and if their kids don’t do what they tell them they will be disinherited.) the wealthy don’t give their money away. that is why they are still rich. (a good point for spangers, jugglers, clowns & anybody flying a cardboard sign saying that they are starving & just want to get back home.)

the ancient adage: ‘f-ck-or-walk’ is a harsh reality & is still the basic mantra of the male personality; so if she seeks to maintain her delusion, she will wind up a pr-ck-tease, living on somebody’s boat while waiting tables, hoping for prince ken to arrive; or back sleeping with her fat ex-boyfriend in iowa worrying about paying her student loan for all those useless arts courses.
look at that herd of santa barbies, bar-hopping! i’d like to pick one up but how can you tell the difference?