sarasota

the most boring place in the world for the young, fabulous, and broke. for anyone who doesn’t live here, i’m sure that sarasota seems like a beautiful and wonderful place to vacation. but living here sucks. basically, this is where rich, snotty old farts come to die. and irritate the h-ll out of the locals.
on any given day, you can see the blond, rich, family of four that just moved here from michigan, ruining the sunset on siesta key, to take a family portrait in their “floridian” white shirts and khaki pants. shopping is a hobby, because there is nothing else to do. and, the shopping malls, now owned by the texas-based westfield, are now overrun by bored-out-of-their-minds preteens with daddy’s credit cards in their hot little hands. buisnesses that have thrived here for 30-plus years are being driven out by greedy speculators. every other home is for sale, with no one buying them, because the real estate bubble burst. i guess millionares don’t feel like purchasing a home on siesta key, where driving one block on memorial day weekend takes four hours, and you are more likely to have your homeowners insurance taken away than a dog getting fleas. then, once you’re done playing the “hunker-down” drinking game during the latest hurricane, you can go to walmart for the sixth time this week. the best thing about sarasota is that is easy to spot tourists. tourists, if you’re at the beach, are the ones who bring two giant coolers, a giant bag of sandcastle building tools, a huge umbrella or tent, and about ten bottles of suntan lotion. and they do this to be at the beach for an hour. outside of siesta, they’re the ones yelling at waitresses, cashiers, and just about everyone else in the service industry. then they drive 30 miles an hour on us-41, and call it tamiami trail, to go for ice cream on st. armands circle. they take pictures of the “art” that blocks the view of marina jack, without realising that the boats anch-r-d in the bay are inhabited by people whom are considered homeless. sarasota is the most segregated county in all of florida, and the city planners are trying desperately to push out anyone who doesn’t make at least 100k a year. but then again, they are too busy designing parking lots that are only easily navigated by the secret service.
the place where driving is like moving around cones, because of the snowbirds whose buicks are the size of tulsa. the place where ridiculously pale midwestern tourists come down to visit their redneck counterparts and show off their new tribal tattoos and trendy abercrombie board shorts while they get hammered at the daquiri deck. the place that feigns diversity and sophistication because it is still segregated (admit it), but most of all it is the sweetest town on the gulf coast, with some of the most beautiful babies (all local) and the best weather one could ever ask for. srq, represent.
tribal tattoo
midwestern
h-ll’s waiting room.
i should invest in a funeral home in sarasota.
a coastal town in florida. lots of rich and/or old people live there. home of the carlie brucia kidnapping. also home of the ringling’s home, ringling art museum, booker elementary (the school where george w. bush was at during 9/11),cincinatti reds spring training, and the former home of the ringling circus. sarasota also has an international airport, and a pretty low crime rate. overall a pretty nice place to live.
sarasota is generally a nice place to live, except for the old people and snowbirds.
a place where i live and you vacation.

everybody thinks it’s the greatest thing on earth, but sadly, it isn’t. you will be surrounded by old people wating to die, while the sunny and extemely humid atomosphere is ruining your “totally rad” hairdo.

one good thing about it is that you can go to marina jacks at night and sit by the boat docks with your lovers.

yeah, have fun.

hey, hey guys, im going to sarasota to see my 90 year old grandparents, and there i will marvel at the fact that it sucks.
lifeless, overpriced beach town on the west florida coast. not very friendly, bad traffic, not much to do, terrible job market. lots and lots and lots of old people. a dead-end feeling where the sense of futility and a vague depression are enhanced by constant sunshine and high humidity. very nice beaches, though. a good place to relax for a few days if you like roasting in the sun. don’t move here.
wow, that waitress just ripped us off, and we tipped her good, too. i’ve been sarasota’d!!
god’s waiting room for old people
sarasota is a town where all the old people live and die