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security blanket on wheels
commonly reffered to as an suv. for the most part they are driven by sh-theads that only care about themselves and could care less about the worlds natural resources. designed years ago as a true off-road utility vehicle for use by individuals that actually worked hard for a living and needed a vehicle that could have truck like capability with room to haul heavy duty equipment. this vehicle has now been b-st-rdized and m-ss produced to cater to suburban yuppie pr-cks that call hard work a 9-5 bankers job to pay the mortgage on their overpriced suburban home and their wifes fake body enhancements. often their owners claim it makes life easier for them because they have a large family to haul around that consists of 1 bratty child that will more than likely grow up to be an even more inconsiderate pr-ck than their parents. they are also driven by -sshole celebrities.
cindy- “oh im just so glad my hubby bought me the new juggernaut 5000 super xxxxl sbow edition! i feel so safe in it i dont even give turn signals or pay attention when im driving anymore. not to mention its got a 75 foot long wheelbase and seating for 3 people.”

jane- “oh cindy thats fabulous! now you will have room to haul your son little jimmy to his after school “future -ssholes of america meeting.”

cindy- “hold on some tree hugger in a stupid compact car is in my way! let me run him off the road and ill call you back!”

jane- “ok bye!”

cindy- honk! honk! “hey get your stupid -ss compact out of my way looser! cant you see im driving my sbow and talking on my cellphone you inconsiderate pr-ck!” scrrrrrreeeeeeechhhh! craaaaaaaaash! baaaaaaaaaaang! thump! thump!

average joe compact driver- “ouuuch my neck. that crazy b-tch just ran over me with her f-cking sbow!”

cindy- “oooopsy. oh no what do i do? i know i’ll push the on star b-tton. they will solve all my problems!” click!

on star operator- “h-llo this is on star can i help you?”

cindy- “oooh please help me! i just ran over a car what should i do?”

on star operator- “mam its gonna be ok! is the other driver moving?”

cindy- “i dont know! what does that have to do with anything? i was just calling to make sure my sbow is ok!”

on star operator- “ok mam! yes i just ran a diagnostic scan and the only apparent damage seems to be that you set a minor “compact car collision sensor” off. let me enter a few key strokes and i will turn it back off…. ok its turned off now. oh and i will place a call to your lawyer and brief him on the possible lawsuit that person you ran over might be filing against you. that way you can get a head start on proving how negligent he was for driving silly little gas sipper.”

cindy- “thank you sooo much! its a good thing i have the best lawyer money can buy. he’s so good he will tie the case up in court until that person i ran over cant afford to pay his legal fee’s anymore and will just give up!”