Scorched Earth Party

it’s happened to you, no doubt.

you are somewhere public, trying to complete a simple task. perhaps you are eating in a dennys. perhaps you are buying something at costco. perhaps you are just driving along on the highway. then it happens:

some stupid moron causes a problem. they put their trivial life ahead of your own existence, and as a result they move, however briefly, from the position of ‘faceless drone’ to ‘obstacle’.

the waiter messes up your order. you can’t get a refill of coffee because they’re “too busy”, despite the fact that the restaurant is empty. some jerk cuts you off with their cart and there’s no way around them now. that -sshole who is coming up on your tail, flashing his brights, decides to cut around you on the right at about 90 mph just as you start signaling to get out of his way, and he honks wildly as though you’re the one endangering everyone on the road.

and you think to yourself: this person must die.

the scorched earth party is here to tell you: yeah. go for it.

here at the scorched earth party, we are dedicated to a few simple principles:

– that the concept of “life is sacred” is the best joke we’ve heard this year.
– that nothing satisfies like clubbing some moron to death with a lead pipe.
– that you can never get laid enough.
– that the world will continue to deteriorate until 90% of its population is eliminated.

true happiness will never be yours unless you rise up with us. join the 10% with the lead pipes. help save the world through random, messy violence, and then wallow in carnal pleasure among the ruins.

the scorched earth party is the only party that will bring change to this great nation of ours.
a political party, not unlike the beer party and very much unlike republicans and democrats. they wish to bludgeon to death all the idiots and french with lead pipes.

what’s so wrong with that?
happiness is finally getting the crotch-rot under control: the scorched earth party