shartleby

the lesser known, but equally feared cousin of bartleby, summoner of demons. he is known for his uncanny ability to cause explosive diarrhea and other such gastrointestinal maladies at cosmically inopportune times (esp. lunch box socials, church gatherings, board meetings).

when encountered on long road trips, frequent stops may become a necessity during critical situations involving aggressive wildlife species (eg. north american -ss-grizzled bear, eastern diamondback bowelsnake, drop cookie bear, p–paconda, etc).

devout colonic exorcists may be called in from the colonic arch diocese, but only on rare occasions, when reading from the book of immodium ad and 10 sets of hail kaopectate prove to be clinically ineffective.
“did you hear about mr. colostenheim?”
“yeah. he cr-pped the buffet at the company picnic sat-rday. do you think it was a message from shartleby?”
“nah. they took him to the hospital. turns out his liver is failing and he’s an alcoholic.”
“i bet he eats d-ck.”