Shopherding
verb – the act of using subliminal verbal and physical techniques to steer a person or partner towards the checkouts in a shop to prevent a prolonged and boring shopping experience.
if practiced and mastered the art of shopherding can save hours of walking round in shops after people. the successful shopherder knows his art and will begin before any shop has even been entered.
techniques are varied, performing a fart and dart and then moving towards the checkouts will cause the target to join you close to the tills, perhaps bringing about payment and thus victory. however, this can cause so much disgust that the period of time within the shop may be extended by the target as revenge. if this happens further shopherding efforts must be more subtle to avoid suspicion.
a favourite among master shopherders is the technique of placing oneself in the centre of the targets field of vision as she looks round the shop to distract her and coupling this with a focused and interested stare towards something near the checkouts, redirecting her attention that way.
punishment for being discovered a shopherder is serious, the techniques will no longer affect the target and the disgraced shopherder will be forced to wonder around countless shops for hours, cursing his own lack of skill or bad luck.
the path of a shopherder is frought with perils but the pride of succeeding is surp-ssed by the prizes that victory holds.
man – “shall we go look at the socks?”
girlfriend – “ok, where are they?”
man – “over by the tills”
an entry level but cl-ssic shopherd manoeuvre.
keeping his girlfriend directly between himself and the checkouts, smoothly shopherding her towards the tills the accomplished shopherder skillfully prevents the onset of shopping legs.
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