simard
the illest motherf-ckin last name in the world
dude simard is a mint last name
a greasy fast food joint in the town of wilmington, m-ssachusetts. the restaurant is one-of-a-kind as it is the only one in the area (maybe even the whole country). it is a favorite among many people residing in nearby towns of middles-x county, too. the dumpy, steamy windowed, blue-roofed restaurant is an icon of wilmington, and all residents of the town should be able to define the grease shack when asked “what is simard’s?” open until 3 a.m. on friday & sat-rday nights, one driving by on one of those nights after midnight can see the drive-thru choked with cars, sometimes even making a horseshoe to the street entrance. 90% of the patrons on friday & sat-rday nights include drunks and stoners with the munchies ordering the menu’s most popular, artery-hardening items, such as seasoned fries with cheese, the nacho supreme, and roast beef. if the wilmington police department really wanted to catch drivers under the influence, they would simply have to set up a checkpoint 3 feet from the drive-thru window. many of the customers like to enjoy their purchases across the street in the ghetto wilmington plaza parking lot. the eatery probably makes a yearly profit of $50,000,000. this hidden gem is unique to the town, and i encourage you to try it if you haven’t. it’s definitely worth the embarr-ssing wait in the drive-thru, as you hope no one you know sees your vehicle as they drive by. the employees at simard’s will kindly wait to take your order as you finish puking into a bag and slurring what you want into the speaker. i’m telling you, if simard’s ever closed its doors, a large population of people in the area would fall into a deep depression. don’t be fooled, the restaurant has a delicious menu; but you should realize that if you eat here often, it will contribute to your early death.
rick: “hey, i just remembered it’s friday night and simard’s is open for another hour, wanna go?”
ashlee: “do you really think that’s a good idea?
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