sneaky hastert
a sneaky hastert involves performing an unwelcome s-xual act, under the pretense of performing some other helpful action. the name comes from former house speaker dennis hastert, who allegedly molested members of a wrestling team he coached, under the pretense of -ssisting with the treatment of sport related injuries.
person a: my groin cramped up in wrestling practice again, and the coach offered to help me stretch it out.
person b: oh, that was helpful.
person a: it would have been, but while i was writing in pain, he jacked me off and fingered my -sshole, then ran away while laughing maniacally and sniffing his fingers.
person b: ah, the old sneaky hastert.
person a: yeah, i feel so violated.
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