snodgepocker

snodgepocker (snodj pock er) noun. an annoying but endearing creature. or is it endearing but annoying? either way, you want to smack them, but can’t because they are too g-dd-mned cute.
like the cutest, fluffiest little kitten who keeps climbing up your legs and back with his needle-sharp claws to sit on your shoulder and purr.

her- “how did he get stuck inside the piano?”
him- “how? he’s a hedgehog, that’s what they do, look for dark places to curl up and sleep. and take a cr-p.”
her- “he cr-pped inside my piano!?”

(he pulls him out of the piano).

him- “sorry about that. yeah, in’t he a cute little snodgepocker?”
her- “ohhh… look at that little nosie!”
him- “so… should we keep him, or call the humane society?”
her- “he’s making little piggy noises! we can’t just give him away!”
him- “so, what do you want to name him?”
her- “fluffy. either fluffy, or sh-thead.”
him- “welcome to the family, sh-thead.”
her- “can i hold him?”
him- “get your own d-mn hedgehog.”

(she stands, staring.)

him- “shouldn’t you be cleaning the sh-t out of your piano?”
her- “i changed my mind about his name. i think he’s more of a fluffy.”
him- “fluffy it is. welcome to the family, fluffy.”
her- “from now on, you’re the one i’m calling sh-thead.”
him- “there you go, sweet talkin’ me again.”
her- “just hand over the goddam hedgehog, sh-thead.”
him- “ok. here. careful.”

(he puts the hedgehog in her hands).

her- “ow! ow! what the f-ck?! i am bleeding! you little f-cker!”
him- “the spines are sharp.”
her- “ja think!?”
him- “i told you to be careful.”
her- “he’s grunting! what does that mean?”
him- “it means he’s hungry. i’ll get him some food.”
her- “oh, no you’re not. i’m getting fluffy’s food. aren’t i , fluffy? fluffy says yes.”
him- “i’m coming along.”
her- “no, fluffy says that mr. sh-thead should stay here to clean fluffy’s cr-p out of my piano. doesn’t he? yesss he does.”
him- (grumbling) “f-cking hedgehog always takes her side.”