sock monster

found in (or around) washing machines and tumble driers
thought to be genetically modified , highley evolved organism. although never actually sighted evidence points to its habits and breediung cycle. a voracious predator the sock monster preys on single socks always leaving behind one of the pair it has captured. mystery surrounds this behaviour although zoologists surmise this may be an instinctual mechanism for long term survival. able to cross great distances at speed and unseen there is almost no known method of defense.

currently there is a research program to capture one and study its life cycle to provide some relief. the only known fact is sock monster numbers are proportional the number of people in residence at one location.
1 person = 1 monster, rare sock predation, victim is able to carry on normal life
2 persons = 2 monsters, infreqent predation
3 persons = 3 monsters, increased predation, victims are rarely able to find socks
4 persons = 4 monsters, forget it , no known cure, no socks at all for anyone
the sock monster is a mythical creature found prodominatly in barrhaven ontario but has since spread through to canada’s universities. when someone is p-ssed out from a long night of drinking, the sock monster sneaks up on them, ever so quietly, and bites the tips off of their socks, leaving their toes to dangle. no one has ever seen or heard a sock monster in action, or know the where-abouts to their habbit but what is known is that the aftermath of the persons socks is quite a hilarious sight.
d-mn man, beaver just got bit by the sock monster. hahahaha
replace any noun with “sock monster”
(i realize it sounds weird, but try it out)
-that guy smells like an un-wiped -sshole.
becomes…
-that guy smells like an un-wiped sock monster.