southern belle

a rich/wealthy southern white woman from an agrarian background who is birthed from many generations of incest, raised to worship the confederate flag, and develops a very unhealthy attraction to farmyard and domestic animals in her teen years. she lives her early adult life partaking in party favors and alcohol until her parents threaten to cut her off. she usually winds up marrying:
1. a crocked politician.
2. a police officer.
3. a member of the armed forces.
4. a pastor of a southern baptist church.

…only to cheat on the aforementioned men with a broke, white-skin-worshipping c–n named tyrone.

when caught, she’ll say “tyrone” raped her.
he’ll go to jail or ‘wind up missing’ and she and her good ol’ boy will seek marriage counseling, renew their vows, and live happily ever after to beget more southern belles and good ol’ boys.

due to the aforementioned over-consumption of drugs and alcohol in her teens and early 20s, by the time she’s 30, she’ll look 45+.
“southern belle ain’t nothing but a trick, nasty as h-ll, stanky little cave b-tch” – ice cube
southern women appreciate their natural -ssets:
clean skin. a winning smile.
that unforgettable southern drawl.

southern women know their manners:
“yes, ma’am.”
“yes, sir.”
“why, no, billy!”

southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
“y’all come back!”
“well, bless your heart.”
“drop by when you can.”
“how’s your momma?”

southern women know their summer weather report:
humidity
humidity
humidity

southern women know their vacation spots:
the beach
the beach
the beach

southern women know the joys of june, july, and august:
summer tans
colorful hi-heel sandals
strapless sun dresses
southern women know everybody’s first name:
honey
darlin’
shugah

southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
fried green tomatoes
driving miss daisy
steel magnolias
gone with the wind

southern women know their religions:
baptist
methodist
football

southern women know their country breakfasts:
red-eye gravy
grits
country ham
mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma’s homemade jelly

southern women know their cities dripping with southern charm:
charleston
(chawl’stn)
savannah (s’vanah)
new orleans (n’awlins)
atlanta (addlanna)

southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
men in uniform.
men in tuxedos
rhett butler, of course!

southern women know their prime real estate:
the mall
the country club
the beauty salon

southern women know the four deadly sins:
having bad hair and nails
having bad manners
cooking bad food
wearing too much makeup in the summer

southern women know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!

southern belle’s are a true g-d givin gift to the world, and of your a northern transplant, well just bless your heart, fake it! we all know that you got here as fast as you could!
a few perfect southern belle’s are:

scarlet o’harah
melanie hampton
all the ladies off of steel magnolias
g-d’s greatest creation ever. the most beautiful women in the world.
“you’re beautiful.” “i know. i’m from the south.”
the 10 commandants for southern belles
1.never cuss in front of your mamma or your mammy.
2.your daddy (and rhett butler) is always the perfect man.
3.never wear white after labor day or before easter.
4.never try to p-ss faux pearls for real ones at any special event. (especially your debut)
5.always say yes mama and yes sir. no matter who you are talking to.
6.never go out without “putting your face on” because you never know who you will see
7.never pretend to be drunker than you really are.
8.never smoke at a country club, on the street, or anywhere besides your house or at a very close friend’s house
9.never forgive yankees. (just remember you could be scarlet o hara if they had not have won the war)
10.never accept the defeat by the enemy

southern belles are god’s gift to earth.
southern belles always…
drink sweet tea
watch steel magnolias
read gone with the wind
hate yankess!!!
examples of southern belles are… scarlet o’hara, melanie wilks, all the women in steel magnolias and yaya sisterhood. and most true saint marys girls.

always remember…
wwmd- what would melanie do
wwsd- what would scarlet do
main entry: southern belle
part of speech: noun
definition: a beautiful and charming woman from the southern united states. a southern belle possesses an undeniable natural charm, has a warm and dazzling smile, and impeccable manners, calling each person she encounters ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’ regardless of their age or position. a southern belle can be recognized by her unforgettable southern drawl, unstinting hospitality and graciousness, and her recognition as football as a part of her religion. southern belles are recognized as one of g-d’s greatest creations and continously overshadow women from northern us states.
“look at reese witherspoon. she’s flawless and brilliant. look at her smile, look at her charm! i feel mezmerized by her!”
“of course you do, she’s from tennessee.”
“and what does that have to do with anything?”
“it has everthing to do with it! she’s a southern belle!”
the act of waving a duvet around like scarlet o’hara when lying in bed after letting a really wet, warm, loud and smelly fart. the waving around of the duvet adds to the comedy but also helps to spread the smell. while speaking in a southern american accent. saying such phrases as, see examples. all of this is done while blaming your girl/boyfriend.
woowee, i do declare ive gone and made a southern belle of myself.
somebody bakin brownies? smells just like a southern belle.
somebody better get me some lemonade to wash away this southern belle.
its mighty warm in here, warmer than a southern belle.
a dead breed as far as younger generations are concerned; much like the southern gentleman

southern women nowadays are at least as disgusting as women from other regions; they’ll claim otherwise of course
john: dude, did you see that southern belle?

jack: n-body cares because southern belles don’t really exist anymore. really, southerners are a major reason american women are getting such a bad rep

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