status assassin
someone who misuses the word “status” as a concrete object in the workplace. this is usually the sign of a micro-manager or someone working their way towards middle management.
mary: i asked for that report last week. can i get a status?
bob: it’s almost done
mary: i need a status on that requisition.
phil: it should be ready by tuesday.
mary: could you give me a status on the new program?
alan: sure, how about “pending?”
mary: uh no, i mean… i need to know… uh…
alan: what? i gave you a status, you status -ss-ssin!
a person that roams the world of facebook preying on innocent statuses to comment on. in the event of a successful comment, the original status is dead to the world and no one will ever want to comment on it. mothers and fathers have most likely perfected this art.
-“hey did you see tommy make quick work of that status you posted?”
-“yeah dude, he’s a veteran status -ss-ssin”
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