Suburbanitus

when one has little to no conflict in their life to which they can rise to the occasion, that is build moral character through strife, they will begin creating problems. this disease, if you will, plagues the suburban regions of every state, often manifesting itself in young teens as well as middle-aged men going through ident-ty crises, shallow trophy wives, tennis/soccer moms, parents obsessed with their child’s sport or scout troop, etc. are all also examples of “adults” with suburbanitus.

it’s sister disease is urbanitus, creating strife from boredom through petty crime, gangs, etc.

such diseases hint to an underdeveloped maturity in thought, leading to the illogical use of excessive, unjustified emotion. perhaps the saddest thing about suburbanitus is the cure. only life threatening situations in which one clearly sees how shallow their lives are given the prominent and very real threat of death can overcome the disease.

john: hey sally, want to hang out with me and carol tonight?
sally: why do you choose her over me?
john: i’m not, i’m saying we should all hang out…
sally: (bawls)
john: bawwwwliin! sally has the worst case of suburbanitus. she just runs around causing problems and creating drama. she needs to grow up and quit acting like a child.
a person infected with suburbanitus usually lives in an upper cl-ss suburb outside a big or moderately sized city. they have 2.5 kids and live in sprawling houses in gated communities or the like. they drive 80,000 dollar suvs such as cadillac escalades or lincoln navigators. also in their garage, it is very likely to see a black four door sedan such as a mercedes, bwm, maserati, or lexus. they believe that they have to impress everyone in a 100 mile radius, so they file to their local shopping center to waste their money on name brand clothing such as 150 dollar north face fleece, 300 dollar true religion jeans, and those ever so ugly ugg boots. they then walk to the food court and buy a 4 dollar coffee at starbucks. most victims of suburbanitus are fake d-cks and think they’re better than everyone else, though not admitting it, and giving the fake vibe that they love everyone. the children of the infected usually have a 50,000 dollar car by time their 15 and don’t even have a license, they also love to cause unneeded drama to fulfill their empty shallow lives. most people in the city despise suburbanites.
stereotypical quotes of the suburbanitus victims;

“are you kidding me look at that girl, shes not wearing any name brand clothing, shes disgusting”
“haha i have a mercedes e cl-ss, your’s is only a c cl-ss”
“my north face is polyester, your’s is only fleece, please get away from me”