Takako

fake -ss corporate sn-bs with tweaked-out eyes who pretend to know what the h-ll they are talking about. they are usually born abroad in a very submissive country (such as j-pan) and thus, feel the need to take out their suppressed anger on their peers in a low-life, phony corporate setting.

takakos, often coined “beeyotches,” love to boost self esteem by surrounding themselves with subordinates who are equally as fake as they are. all parties typically are under agreement to talk behind one another’s back but smile in person. in a desperate attempt to show they are cool, they throw in random cuss words in meetings. however, their inner-fobness prevents them from properly placing those cuss words, allowing others to read right through them.

takakos often visit meetings with their pdas handy so they can keep up with their bullsh-t while bullsh-tting during the meeting. they have perfected the art of portraying good vibes by tilting their head, making direct eye contact, giving a thumbs up and saying “great.”

as an indirect slap in the face to their native culture, takakos usually have a significant other completely opposite of their natural fitting. they typically take on gumpy caucasian men who are equally driven but not nearly as competent in b-tch-ssness. they will rarely visit their native country because they have completely sold out on life as a human being.

the catch to dealing with takakos daily is to show your feelings toward them openly, and dare them to fire you. once you show you don’t give a sh-t about what they think, they will usually duck from confrontation from you, and will go to sleep at night feeling like the low-life loser they know they really are inside. the key is to make them realize you know how fake they are, so that when they continue to act fake, they feel even more like a loser inside. that’s right. i said it!
homie, did you see the takako in the meeting?
word, what the h-ll was up with her eyes?
oh, she’s probably just a tweaker.
did you see her wink and give thumbs up like 4x?
naw, i couldn’t get past her fake -ss tone of voice in there. sh-t made my ears bleed.
what about when she said, “what uh the sh-t is this. we have to uh make sure f-ck we’re at the sh-t least on our best behavior. uh, yeah. does that make sense? great! super!”
did you at least see how her hair being tied back made her eyes all cuh-razy?
yup, next time i’ll poke them sh-ts out when she says, “ok, so next steps…”
lol, that fake -ss biznatch!