Tampon Telegraph

a covert communication device inserted in the v-g-n- of a secret-agent or s-xy spy. the earliest models could only send an out-going message encoded by the secret-agent squeezing her v-g-n- in morse-code, which was then converted the kegel contractions into radio signals. the advantage of the device was that it was unlikely to be found after a thorough frisking or even a strip-search. in the event it was found, the secret-agent could merely explain that she was having her period (as the device looked like an ordinary tampon with the string serving as the antenna). an improved version of the device was later devised that could receive and convey incoming messages as well as communicating outgoing messages. the incoming message, also in morse-code, was translated into vibrations that corresponded to the dots and dashes. while effective as a communication device, this newer version suffered from the draw-back that it tended to cause intense -rg-sms in the secret-agents and, as the tampon could not absorb all the natural -rg-smic lubricant due to its being filled with electronic gadgetry, the -rg-smic fluid would often carry the tampon-transponder out into the panties of the secret agent, and she would have to improvise a hasty trip to the lady’s room to reinsert the device before she could resume communication.
the tampon telegraph was first used by super-models because spy agencies believed that the thinnest women had the tightest v-g-n-s and would therefore be best able to squeeze the transponders with their v-g-n-s to generate out-going messages. unfortunately, the super-model secret-agents had s-x so frequently, necessitating the removal of the tampon telegraph, that they were often out of communication, and less attractive secret agents had to be recruited.