tenafly, nj.

tenafly is a wealthy town in bergen county that’s just west of new york city. depending on the money in your parents’ bank account, tenafly is different. if you’re h-lla rich with a $2 mil mansion on the east hill, life will be a breeze; your only problems will be picking which parties you’ll be going to every friday/sat-rday night and which friends are only with you for juul pods or your parents’ hard-earned money. if you’re middle cl-ss, then life is a bit more complicated, since you probably have real problems and brain that lets you see the issues in this town. if you’re poor, well, welcome to the precursor to the mistakes you’ll make that will eventually put you in jail.

every year, there’s the senior-run scams of the halloween party and the st. patty’s day party at club 201 in englewood. everyone that goes is either drunk, high, or cross-faded from pre-gaming and doe-eyed freshmen girls (who pay upwards of $60 to get into the parties) end up drunkenly making out with nasty senior losers or the predators that are the “popular guys”. they might be hot and rich but just don’t. besides drugs and the sats, there’s not much to do in tenafly, which is exactly why people hate it here. the school system puts kids in the hospital from exhaustion or slitting their wrists and the football team sucks.

population: 14,788
poverty rate: 6.15%
median household income: $147196
median property value: $743400
most common origins: korea, india, & israel
welcome to tenafly, nj., where the rich kids are drunk idiots who get into ivy leagues, the middle-cl-ss kids work hard and end up ok or stay in the town until their kids live here, too, and the poor kids switch schools or go to jail.