Texas Ranch Hand


when a man -j-c-l-t-s into his hand and then proceeds to slap a woman across the jaw.
“shawn just gooed in his hand and gave me a texas ranch hand!”
perhaps the most elusive s-x move north of the rio grande. it is an act in which, after penile hand relief, a couple partakes in -n-l fornication. generally, a saddle is placed on the back of the woman (or catcher in the case of a gay orgy) and animal noises are made by both partners. after the clan s-x, the man deficates in a plastic walmart bag, ties it off, and beats the woman sensless with it in a southern fashion.
neighbor: “i heard some animal noises next door i think the wilsons were doing the texas ranchhand”
neighbor’s wife: “that explains the walmart bag full of sh-t in our mailbox”

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