Thanksgiving
in 1621 a time where puritan pilgrims with pointy black leprechaun hats and native indian americans joined together to have a feast of food to thank god for the blessings. nowadays, fattening everyday american food, (like battered god knows what) is eaten to thank colonel sanders for kfc and cholesterol.
dude we should totally go to kfc for thanksgiving!
please dont take this as an offence/insult americans, this is partly ment to be a joke.
another excuse for americans to spend an entire day eating
“d-mn, it’s not a weekend, and i want to eat all day”
“why don’t we invent a holiday and give it a stupid name?”
“fo shizzle, my pilgrizzle!”
a day we commemorate taking advantage of the “indians” by stealing their land, food, and lifestyles in exchange for cheap trinkets.
ahh thanksgiving, lets give thanks to those indians for letting us screw them wholeheartedly.
the one before christmas
“happy thanksgiving. this date lets everyone know that christmas is only one more month away.”
a turkey’s worst nightmare.
on halloween:
turkey 1: say joe have you heard the ghost story about “thanksgiving”?
turkey 2: no, what happens?
turkey 1: every year, on the same day, millions of turkeys get their heads chopped off and then get eaten!
turkey 2: holy cow! lucky it’s just a ghost story.
to commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. it’s a ritual sacrifice. with pie.
thanksgiving isn’t about blending of two cultures. it’s about one culture wiping out another. and then they make animated specials about the part with the maize and the big belt buckles. they don’t show you the next scene, where all the bison die and squanto takes a musket ball in the stomach.
a tradition started by the indians to make the white folks get fat, so that when they get revenge and kill all of us in 2012, we’ll be too fat and lazy to fight back.
every —-ing year we eat way too much at thanksgiving.
a day that epitomizes how wonderful it is to be a gluttonous, fat, lazy american. a day to sit on stolen land eating food we may have never discovered and watch a sport that was copied from the very sh-r-s our ancestors so readily fled. also conveniently situated on a thursday, meaning most people end up with a 4-day weekend.
the origin of the word thanksgiving:
“thanks for the gardening tips, chief. we’ll be giving you some blankets as soon as we get the ships unloaded.”
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