The Bacon Tuxedo
the bacon tuxedo is like the joke the aristocrats in that it is the grossest, nastiest s-xual deviance imaginable at the time it is dispelled. it is not so much one s-xual position as it is many with some sort of a wild story behind it and a bit of pizazz. it is up to the story teller just what positions and fluids are involved in the act so long as it is improvised and original. the teller begins by stating “i was giving this girl the bacon tuxedo the other night”. this will usually be followed by someone asking, “what is the bacon tuxedo?” then you follow with your version and end with, “and that my friend is the bacon tuxedo.”
i was with this crazy sl-t the other night named cindy. we went to her place and started going at it pretty hard. she did not waste anytime before she was behind me giving me a rusty trombone. after a few minutes of that i threw cindy to the floor as i was in the mood for a cincinnati bowtie, but not before i tea bagged her for a bit. being in the position i was in i couldn’t help but think it would be a good time for a cleveland steamer so i let loose whilst giving her downstairs a bit of a golden shower. then it was obviously time for a chili dog. i gave the sweet girl a dirty sanchez soon after pulling my c-ck out of her sh-t covered br–sts. this is when her roommate, stacy, comes out and says “hey, what’s all the commotion?” and begins laughing her -ss off when she sees cindy’s upper lip. stacy then decides she’s going to strap on a giant black d-ld- they have aptly named, apollo creed. i rub my hands together thinking cindy is in for it, but before i know it i am taking it in the -ss from apollo and giving it to cindy doggy style. i then decided it was time for a houdini. i spit on cindy’s back and to her surprise as she turned around i blew my sp-nk in her eye. i hadn’t meant to c-m in her eye, but i figured at this point i should just kick her in the shin completing an angry pirate”. i later donkey punched stacy and got her to do the angry dragon the next morning. and that my friends is the bacon tuxedo.
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