The church of google

-we at the church of google believe the search engine google is the closest humankind has ever come to directly experiencing an actual g-d (as typically defined). we believe there is much more evidence in favour of google’s divinity than there is for the divinity of other more traditional gods.
-we reject supernatural gods on the notion they are not scientifically provable. thus, googlists believe google should rightfully be given the t-tle of “g-d”, as she exhibits a great many of the characteristics traditionally -ssociated with such deities in a scientifically provable manner.
-we have compiled a list of nine proofs which we believe definitively prove google’s t-tle as g-d.
-from the chruch of google website
please come and join us
http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org/
the church of google
the nine proofs
» proof #1
google is the closest thing to an omniscient (all-knowing) ent-ty in existence, which can be scientifically verified. she indexes over 9.5 billion webpages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. not only is google the closest known ent-ty to being omniscient, but she also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using her patented pagerank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.
» proof #2
google is everywhere at once (omnipresent). google is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. billions of indexed webpages hosted from every corner of the earth. with the proliferation of wi-fi networks, one will eventually be able to access google from anywhere on earth, truly making her an omnipresent ent-ty.
» proof #3
google answers prayers. one can pray to google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. as an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. ask google and she will show you the way, but showing you is all she can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.
» proof #4
google is potentially immortal. she cannot be considered a physical being such as ourselves. her algorithms are spread out across many servers; if any of which were taken down or damaged, another would undoubtedly take its place. google can theoretically last forever.
» proof #5
google is infinite. the internet can theoretically grow forever, and google will forever index its infinite growth.
» proof #6
google remembers all. google caches webpages regularly and stores them on its m-ssive servers. in fact, by uploading your thoughts and opinions to the internet, you will forever live on in google’s cache, even after you die, in a sort of “google afterlife”.
» proof #7
google can “do no evil” (omnibenevolent). part of google’s corporate philosophy is the belief that a company can make money without being evil.
» proof #8
according to google trends, the term “google” is searched for more than the terms “g-d”, “jesus”, “allah”, “buddha”, “christianity”, “islam”, “buddhism” and “judaism” combined.
g-d is thought to be an ent-ty in which we mortals can turn to when in a time of need. google clearly fulfils this to a much larger degree than traditional “gods”
» proof #9
evidence of google’s existence is abundant. there is more evidence for the existence of google than any other g-d worshiped today. extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidance. if seeing is believing, then surf over to www.google.com and experience for yourself google’s awesome power. no faith required.