The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn

to perform the lorenzo von matterhorn, here’s what you’ll need: basic knowledge of website design and a very unique fake name. so, think of your fake name right now. have you got it? good.
now, select your target, preferably a girl with a real nice phone.
the dialogue that follows should go something like this.
you: “yeah. it’s me.”
girl: “do i know you?”
you: “i’m lorenzo von matterhorn.”
girl: “are you, like, famous, or something?”
you: “yes… you really don’t know who i am, do you? what a refreshing change of pace. nice to meet you…”
girl: “sh-lley.”
you: “sh-lley. once again, i’m lorenzo von matterhorn. spelled like it sounds: two t’s. lorenzo. von matterhorn. ciao.”
then, as soon as you’re gone, she gets out her phone and does an internet search for lorenzo von matterhorn. and that’s when she discovers a series of fake websites, all devoted to the incredible life of lorenzo von matterhorn. there’s a fake business article about lorenzo, the reclusive billionaire. the fake explorers club newsletter describing his balloon trip to the north pole as a feat of pure daring and imagination. the fake medical journal featuring a heart-breaking story of doctors telling him p-n-s reduction surgery isn’t an option. and by the time you get back…
you: “hi. sh-lley, uh, i hate to be forward, but can i buy you a cup of coffee?”
girl: “yes! please.”
you: “what does coffee go for these days? fifty dollars?”
girl: “oh, lorenzo.”
and it is on.
did you see that? barney totally just pulled off the lorenzo von matterhorn. he’s bringing the girl up to his room right now!