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see:p–p

an amazing substance…can take all 3 forms of matter(solids,liquids,gases(tee hee).can be cl-ssified using this “helpful” guide….

1.the plain sh-t
quick, easy and clean(well as clean as it could be…).
the dream sh-t

2.the 2nd wave

just as you pull your pants up from the first one you realise, to your dismay, that your not finished.

3.the ghost t-rd
the kind where you fell it come out(can be painful)
and there is sh-t on the toilet paper, but alas!, the bowl is clean

4.the -ss master
the type of sh-t that is so huge in size and so mind numbingly painful to squeeze out in feels like your giving birth to it.usually is so big you have to break it up into little peices before you flush it down

5.the “oooo ahhh…” sh-t
the sh-t that is so huge and impressive you have to ring up your friends who will generally make noises of shock and awe

6.the gas cloud sh-t
the type of sh-t that smells so bad anyone that walks within 30 metres of your bathroom goes “d-mn!”,they may also faint…you will need to attack it disenfectant and air-freshner(10+ cans).you will have to continually attack it until the smell goes away(this may take several days)

7.the mexican food sh-t
see:-n-l volcano

8.the corn sh-t
no explanation needed

9.the rea…
usually caused by a virus.comes out all mushy and stuff, you have to wipe about 50 times everytime you go and you have to go about 10 times a day.it is also caused by eating taco bell
which brings us to….

10.the taco bell
the el grande of sh-t
so excruciating it brings a tear to the eye of even the strongest men.smells similar to the gas cloud.its comes out in a way similar to toothpaste…can also be slightly gritty also similar to the….

11. ….crunken nights sh-t….
pretty much the same as the taco bell.leaves skid marks in the bottom of the toilet.
comes in two colours:
1.oh-no-i-have-sh-t-marks-on-my-undies brown
2.f-ck-my-head-hurts-like-f-ck green
3.holy-f-ck-it’s-red red
and in extreme cases….
4.-complete silence- blue/purple

12.cocoa puff
you squeeze and squeeze, it taunts you, you fight back,control your muscles,it may need vocal -ssistance…
after you get up you expect to see a lincoln log, but alas!
it’s a cocoa puff, it sits there…taunting you…

13.the posh t-rd
has no odour.

14.the hanging soldier
a sh-t that sort of just hangs there, if a shake or two doesn’t make it come loose use a bit of toilet paper to push it away.

15.liquidity(the shampoo sh-t)
the kind where it squirts out like shampoo and takes 100 wipes to dry/clean

16.-rs- orchestra
the type of sh-t where all that comes out is gas, usually loud enough to make everyone in the house giggle.

17.the omfg-why-can’t-i-p–p p–p
similar effect of -rs- orchestra
you just keep pushing and pushing to no avail…identical to the ghost t-rd, except when you wipe there is nothing there

and that is why it is the most amazing substance in the world(i didn’t really prove that but idc)
if you read all of that…you are a f-cktard
btw “the most amazing substance in the world”.