The New South
as opposed to the south, the new south is a metropolitan oasis. these sanctuaries of enlightenment are spreading through the old dixie. in the process, toothless hicks are being sent to the cdc for examination, biological modification, and general reconstruction into useful human beings. in the process, vocabulary such as “y’all,” “dawg,” “git” (get), and “fowks” are truncated from local vernacular. atheist churches have popped up across the street from vacant snake-handling centers, and drawls have become tw-ngs. modern-day progress has made redneck culture as hard to find in the south as the mafia in the north; it’s there, but it’s hard to find.
the northern us isn’t the only canada anymore.
1. the new south is the new canada.
2. did you hear? southern georgia just announced that it’s erecting a monument to the new south!
3. i don’t even know any white people anymore in the new south.
4. the mafia just relocated to the new south–better weather, see.
5. i’m from the new south–and i’m valedictorian at emory, too! (which everyone knows has surp-ssed harvard.)
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