The Nick Condition
the nick condition thankfully rarely seen disease, with several common and a few not so common symptoms. it’s created from a bacterial organism, known as a tadiumvir (often called the nick bug) it is carried through sperm, and grows in the childs brain. early childhood symptoms include misfitism and hate from the other children.
as the subject approaches p-b-rty, the nick bug is fully grown, and begins to secret feces onto the brain. this confuses and poisons the brain, leaving the many symptoms listed in full here:
-lack of common sense
-lonliness
-denial of lonliness
-h-m-s-xuality
-denial of h-m-s-xuality
-constant itching of the p-n-s, t-st-cl-s, gooch and -sscrack
-delightful sensations from -n-l penetration
-acne
-horribly thick and wiry hair
-chronic f-cked up haircut
-mild hallucinations (for example, the subject making airplane sounds or believing he/she has friends)
-lack of dress sense (large, bulky winter jackets, dragonball z shirts and gray sweat pants that are too tight are common)
-interest in unbelievably childish things
-chronic masturbation
-poor eyesight, requiring gl-sses
-useless ears that not only prevent him from hearing you hate him, but also make his gl-sses fall off, requiring a rope or string attachment, often found on librarians and old b-tches
-several learning disorders including add, adhd, teretts, f-cktardation
-denial of f-cktardedness
-freakish height
-lack of muscle or fat
-weakness
-vulnerability to beatings
-a lifetime supply of virginity
unfortunatly, the nick condition is uncurable as of april 17, 2007. and we don’t really want a cure either. we’d be much happier having these freaks around to pick on.
every school, every town, every place has a nick. what happens when they grow up? the nick bug dies, and its absense drives the subject into a deep depression, fueled by lack of social skills and intelligence. they usually commit a quiet suicide or sink into obscurity. however, some react dangerously, and attempt to perform a killing spree at their high school. but with their stupidity (it never fully fades) they try to use water guns, and end up crying at their failage.
me: woah! check that greasy f-ckhead out!
you: wow! he must have the nick condition!
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