The Orbit Theory
researched intensively at a mid-sized public university in 2003, the orbit theory was established to explain the symbiotic relationship of when a large, unattractive female -ssociates frequently with several highly attractive females or ‘bettys’. quite simply, the attractive females have someone to complain to about typical problems, i.e. “guys are -ssholes”, “i’m ragging hard today”, or “my v.d. won’t clear up.” the asthenically challenged female also provides a ‘worst-case scenario’ for the buxom women, as they know that life could be much worse if they looked like their dumpy little counterpart. however, the stout little fuggly stands to gain quite valuable aspects by hanging out with the attractive hotties: she may be able to see more suitable men, gain confidence by having smoking hotties as friends, be invited to fancier shindigs and box-socials, and become a bj queen for the men which cannot achieve coitus with said hotties. the mutual benefit for both parties is similar to celestial bodies which use their gravitational pull to prevent smaller moons from wondering into sp-ce…hence “orbit” theory; one large body benefiting from several smaller bodies surrounding itself and maintaining a gravitational pull in its orbit.
four strikingly attractive women enter a local pub, in search of alcoholic beverages. suddenly, at the end of the betty trail is a stout female, no taller than 5’5″ and a tanned face eerily similar to that of a tanned pillsbury doughboy. the last female entering the bar would complete the “orbit theory” equation: 3 or > #(hotties)+1(oompa loompa or ‘m&m’)= the orbit theory
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