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you can finally control people.
guy 1: hey, dude! i’m makin’ these two chicks have s-x.

guy 2: dude, i made two guys do it yesterday.

guy 1: get the h-ll away from me.
a curiously addicting simulation game by maxis, in which one creates and controls an enviorment modeled after our own, giving one a “g-d-like” power.

this game allows you to build characters (called sims), which includes customizing their clothing, personality (and thus, zodiac signs), careers, and homes.

all sims speak in their own interesting, nonsensical language, which is conveyed also by convenient “bubbles” over their heads that express fascinating topics such as skiing, ufos, economics, or perhaps food.

unlike today’s society, sims are not restricted by gender, s-xual orientation, appearance, nor skin color, although they may not be very bright. sims face many obstacles throughout their days, such as going through doorways when another sim is in their path– often leaving them utterly baffled and confused. they also have a tendency to leap to their death when there is a kitchen fire, for they cannot resist the need to run toward it and express their terror and fear in the form of screaming, flailing, and thought bubbles.
the sims scenario
sim 1: oh my. what is this quaint contraption? ah! a doorway! oh, what’s this? why, another sim is in the doorway! how ever will i p-ss? surely i couldn’t just squeeze by, or ask mortimer to move, for i am but a humble sim, and cannot manage such a feat! therefore i will just stand here and shrug repeatedly until i am manually placed elsewhere by my master.
an alright game, with about several million difficulties in the sims ai…

sim 1: zzzzzzz….

-alarm goes off-

sim 1: wtf!? cr-p, my alarm. i better go to work. oh no i have to cr-p, and i can’t go through that doorway into the bathroom because a bookcase is slightly blocking it. oh cr-p!

-p-sses on floor-

sim 1: oh god, my hands are filthy from p-ssing! i must wash them!

-sim 1 glances at clock-

sim 1: 7:59am? i’ve got plenty of time! nothing can stop me from washing my stinkin’ hands, and i’m still in my pajamas. i’m also about to die of hunger because i wanted to play godd-mn basketball all of yesterday, which is my only day off for the whole week!

-cr-ppy carpool pulls up at driveway, stays for three seconds, and quickly speeds off-

sim 1: oh well. i’ll be fired from my job which i have worked for about five months, without a single promotion, because i couldn’t make any friends due to the fact my
house’s front yard is uneven, and i can’t build any pathways or even the ground out because i have no money, due to the fact i spent it all to make myself happy with an art easel that he barely ever uses. i’m hungry!

-sim 1 screams and has fit-

sim 1: here is my wife, bella, strolling around the house reading books and poking at the dead fish in the aquarium that we forgot to feed.

bella: sims ajhda dasdhasd hgas hdgas hdg!

-bella points at her stomach-

sim 1: oh god, she’s hungry again. and i keep telling you, bella, stop talking in incoherent mumblings! use your thought-bubbles and speech-bubbles!!

bella: -creates thought bubble thinking of a cross over sim 1-

sim 1: much better. anyway, i hear the repo man clearing out our house due to unpaid bills! better rescue our darling daughter from the attic!

bella: -creates speech bubble picturing a girl with a cross over her-

sim 1: oh, right. she’s at military school because we forgot to set her alarm to wake up at the right time… whoops!

-repo man claims piano, fridge, tv, bookcase, dead fish, table, five chairs, couch, wardrobe, double bed, single bed, and then the art easel-

sim 1: awww! my art easel that i never use!

bella: -creates speech bubble with tombstone on it-

sim 1: what are you talking ab-oh cr-p.

-bella keels over onto the floor and the grim reaper comes in-

sim 1: oh my god! my darling bella! please, grim reaper sir, please bring her back!

-grim reaper motions for paper scissors rock-

sim 1: alright.

-sim 1 loses-

sim 1: sh-t.

-grim reaper goes away, and the body of bella turns into an ornament-

sim 1: nooooo! bella whyy!?!
-cries for eight hours at tombstone-
oh d-mn i’m getting hungry. nevermind, i’m dirty again, somehow. i better go brush my teeth, which is stupid because
i am completely filthy and need a bath, or shower. ok, my teeth are clean, now since i’m at a mirror, i need to practice my charisma until i p-ss out…

-hears improvement music in backround after six hours-

sim 1: yes! i did i..i…t… -p-sses out-

-sim 1 falls asleep and wakes up again. sim 1 calls for pizza-

sim 1: gsg sdahgd ajsdg hsgahgdajs hgdkjah gjhgsajhg fiashdag.

pizza service: shjgda skjgd7y wg $40 dgag sahdasdf vsadvgf-gf.

sim 1: sad sahd.

-sim 1 hangs up-

sim 1: i’m still tired. the pizza service will take an hour, i might as well go to bed, and wake up at half past. even with 30 minutes, i will not make it anyway because it takes me an hour to travel downstairs and take the longest and most drawn out route availible to the front door to grab a pizza which won’t appetise me fully at all.

-sim 1 feels funny-

sim 1: erm… i feel… dizzy… -dies-

you: omfg! finally! i thought he’d never die! omfg i hate this game!

-you smash computer-

that game sucks. honestly. don’t buy the sims.
a game where you can build houses, decorate them, make people and control them. you can make them h-m-s-xual, you can make them kill themselves and you can make them fight.
the sims has quite a range of expansion packs such as ‘house party’, where you can order caterers, buy party outfits and all kinds of party accessories ranging from punch bowls to jacuzzis.
on ‘the sims unleashed’, you can buy pets.
actually a good game, but it can get boring.
an ingenious attempt by maxis to make money by making so many expansion packs that people somehow cannot resist buying. has a larger market than any other computer game as it’s a game where both hardcore teenage male gamers and normal people can actually relate to.
buying all of the expansion packs of the game individually would cost hundreds of dollars. especially for those so impatient that they cannot wait for packs to merge the expansion packs together.
a computer game made by maxis with the curious ability to be addicting for 2 weeks, then it gets boring for about a year, then you play it for another two weeks nonstop. repeat.
“duuuuude, i got re-addicted to the sims. again.”
a great pc game made by maxis where you control people’s lives.
the sims 2 is comming out this fall.

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