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everything there is, at least by peons that don’t know any better.

the universe is relative… to the creatures that live in it, it’s everything, but to the people who create them it’s just another task that has to be maintained every couple thousand years.

i think the universe we humans live in is really a scientific experiment gone horribly wrong. i think it was created by some advanced, but very fallible, students using futuristic technology. to us these students are our g-ds. to their professors they are total smegheads and gits, always causing trouble.
two g-ds are taking a leak in the restroom….

g-d #1: so how is the universe going?

g-d #2: my professor thinks i’m going to have to flood the d-mn thing and start over from scratch. the dna is just so corrupted from so much inbreeding.

i -knew- i should have added “thou shalt not do thy brothers and sisters” to my list of commandments. how about yours?

g-d #1: well i already tried the flood thing… plus i sent down m-ssive earthquakes, tornadoes, volcanic eruptions and the like… and many of them still won’t acknowledge my existence!

i think maybe if i send down that messiah i promised to that git early on, it might help.

g-d #2: i wouldn’t hold your breath on the messiah thing. i mean it might work… in about 2000 years or so.
possibly the biggest mistake ever made period!
hitchhiker’s guide: in the beginning, the universe was created. this made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
some information to help you live in it.
1. area: infinite.
2. imports: none.
it is impossible to import things into an infinite area, there being no outside to import things from.
3. exports: none.
see imports.
4. population: none.
it is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of sp-ce for them to be in. however, not every one of them is inhabited. therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the universe can be said to be zero. from this it follows that the population of the whole universe is zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.
5. art: none.
the function of art is to hold the mirror up to nature, and there simply isn’t a mirror big enough – see point one.
6. s-x: none.
well, in fact there is an awful lot of this, largely because of the total lack of money, trade, banks, art, or anything else that might keep all the nonexistent people of the universe occupied.
definition of infinite

the universe is infinite. bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real “wow that’s big,” time. infinity is just so big that, by comparison, bigness itself looks really t-tchy. gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we’re trying to get across here.
a big scary place.
a series of inside jokes and mistakes made by g-d in an attempt to impress his drinking buddies on a sat-rday in late august. hence the five day work week and the platypus.
dude 1: hey, you want to hear a joke?

dude 2: sure, why not.

dude 1: the universe!!!!
an everlasting expanse containing everything that will ever exist. no matter how fast and far you travel you will never reach an edge, too mindboggling to understand and even if it was ever possible to comprehend an infinite expanse for even a split second your head would instantly explode from the infinite amount of information in your brain…
kid: hey sir, how long does the universe go on for?

teacher: son, we’ll simply never know… our brains simply cannot comprehend infinity, the sense of a never ending amount of sp-ce that goes on forever.