Toilet Jokes
things to do when in a public restrooom.
1.stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, “may i borrow a highlighter?”
2. say, “uh oh, i knew i shouldn’t have put my lips on that.”
3. cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. say, “yuck, this water’s cold.”
5. drop a marble and say, “oh fooey! my gl-ss eye!”
6. say, “hmmm, i’ve never seen that color before.”
7. grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a
cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. sigh relaxingly.
8. say, “now how did that get there?”
9. say, “humus. reminds me of humus.”
10. fill up a large flask with mountain dew. squirt it
erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, “whoa! easy boy!”
11. say, “interesting… more floaters than sinkers.”
12. using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut b-tter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. then say, “whoops, could you kick that back over here please?”
13. say, “c’mon mr. happy! don’t fall asleep on me.”
14. fill a balloon with creamed corn. rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. apologize profusely and blame it on the fettuccine alfredo you had for breakfast.
15. say, “boy, that sure looks like a maggot.”
16. say, “daren’t, i knew that drain hole was a little too small. now what am i going to do?”
17. play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your b-tt cheeks.
18. before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your cross-dressers anonymous” newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
19. lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, “peek-a-boo!”
20. drop a d-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing
“born free”.
(warning: use these toilet jokes at own risk.)
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