Towel

a towel is about the most m-ssively useful thing an interstellar hitchiker can have. partly it has great practical value. you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of jaglan beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of santranginus v, inhaling the beady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy river moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the ravenouse bugblatter beast of traal (a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it -ssumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you–daft as a brush, but very very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

often -ssociated with hitchhikers. see hoopy and frood.
now there’s a frood who knew where his towel was.
contrary to the other dumb-ss definitions of towel, a towel is someone so f-cking useless that they would be better off as a towel.
person 1: dan forgot to grab the tickets yesterday!
person 2: what a god d-mn towel
the most useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. partly it has great practical value – you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of jaglan beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of santraginus v, you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river moth; wet it for use in hand-to- hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the ravenous bugblatter beast of traal ; you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

more importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. for some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically -ssume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, comp-ss, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, sp-ce suit etc., etc. furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have “lost”. what the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.”
if you want to survive out here, you’ve got to know where your towel is.

guy running away he’s got a towel!
a random, obscure comeback when nothing else can be thought of. first used by south park character towely.
“sir. we can’t accept your application on account of…well…you’re a towel.”

“uhh…uhm…you’re a towel…”
1)towel is a slang term, which quickly became popular across the streets of long island, ny. the word towel is not generally used lightly, but is generally used to put someone down you have very little respect for.
2) to be a lowlife motherf-cker
popular uses: you’re a towel, no, you’re a towel, what a towel
1)jimmy was being a douche, so i slapped him in the face and called him a “towel.”
2)when i found out that jenny, that hoebag, was sleeping around on me i beat her -ss down and called her a “towel.”
3)my dog bit me while i was walking him by the playground. instead of calling him a f-ck in front of the small children, i called him a “towel.”
towel (n.) named after the worst character ever created on south park, “towel” refers to a person who is perpetually strung out on a certain prohibited substance whose active ingredient is thc. said person is also uncooperative and enjoys spewing racial epithets and h-m-phobic slurs. synonymous with a female cleaning product.
man, that guy is totally a towel.
__
bob:

“yo, dudebroski, wanna go check out some chicks at the club?”
charles:
“aw h-ll naw, man, don’t be a towel.”
bob:
“yo, who you calling a towel, you tool?”
… (continue on with more insults)
a verb meaning to place a towel under the door to prevent cold air from coming in the room. other uses include preventing the smell of illegal drugs from entering the dorm hallway.
“hey jimmy, can u towel the door, i’m going to light up a swell joint.”
or
“i toweled the door to prevent officer rizzo from smelling my incense.”

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