Traveloti

traveloti – stemming from illuminati. an elite group of travelers who look down on the plebs of travel.

a person who has more travel skills than any 500,000 tourists combined. with 20 minutes to boarding time this person can single walk up to the elite security line, breezily p-ss through the metal detectors with nary an issue, order and eat breakfast, shave, change clothes, and still be the first to board the flight. he will then, of course, sit in first cl-ss with his free upgrade and enjoy the free snacks and drinks. upon landing this person quickly departs the plan and airport without reading a single sign or showing any hesitation.

traveloti’s look down on parents with their children, old people, tourists, and any other known form of inept traveler.

upon two travelotis meeting, they immediately compete for superiority. this can happen when choosing the fastest line, vying for the last upgraded seat, or comparing status on airlines. alternative methods of compet-tion arise when the traveloti share travel horror stories. the closer to death the better ranking the story receives.
example 1:
tyler: i have a backpack with over 500,000 miles on it. what about you?
toby: you’re such a traveloti!

example 2:
only a traveloti could pull this off:

i’m awesome because… i ran from terminal 1 to terminal 2 in the munich airport and made it through two security checkpoints and a pat down in under 30 minutes to catch a flight. now that’s award worthy. the security guard that told me i must run had the look in her eye that i was likely not going to make it. but she was the hottest blonde german security guard i could imagine. it was a solid 2 mile distance and i had to try and follow the signs and basic instructions from a security guard. hint, you have to leave the airport to get to terminal 2 or wait for a bus that runs every 20 minutes. sweaty mess described me by the time i reached the plane. i was one of the last 10 to board.

these times are not an exaggeration (40 minutes maybe, but the distance may have been longer), but i did have some people movers along the way which allowed me to keep a good pace with backpack and laptop. the hardest part was trying to pick a pace that would work for that distance and the weight i was carrying as well as factor in present endurance.