Tuscan Sizzler


a s-xual act, rarely performed and little known outside of its native tuscany. the sizzler is performed when the man, after sufficient stimulation, -j-c-l-t-s in the women’s hair while standing behind her, and proceeds to pour gasoline all over her, punch her in the back of the head, and light her aflame with either a match, or a lit cigarette (as the situation calls for). the flame should be subsequently put out after a period of one to two minutes, though it can simply be left to burn, depending on the mood of the performer towards the recipient. the purpose of the tuscan sizzler is to test the limits of trust between giver and receiver, and to provide a degree of entertainment otherwise unseen in most s-xual interplay, because i mean really, who doesn’t like to want to light someone on fire at least once in their life? that’s right everybody does.
i accidentally killed my highschool girlfriend giving her the old “tuscan sizzler.” it was still hilarious though. i mean, i’d do it again. i’m wierd like that.

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