Tyler, Texas

the dirty -sshole of texas. a place crawling with soccer moms that look like, and worship, sarah palin. tyler is a dry county, so the baptists drive 20 minutes to the county line to get their booze, so as to avoid tainting their reputation around town. despite being located in the bible belt and serving as a hub for retirees, tyler is a great place to find drugz. typical hangouts include: the mall, the hollytree parking lot, and your rich friend’s house in hollytree.
dallas resident: “hey man, where can i score some jankem?”
friend: “tyler, texas.”
the worst “city” in the great state of texas. located in a dry county, this is a great place for families and retirees but one of the worst cities in america for young single men. one of the adverse side effects of living in this city for an extended amount of time is that an unhealthy increase in masturbation is observed in 73% of the population. it is also located in bible country, which is contradicting due to the fact that g-d would never create such a horrible place.
man 1: where did jack’s company relocate him to?
man 2: tyler, texas.
man 1: oh man that sucks, he must be jerking it like five times a day now.
tyler is no longer a dry city as it turned damp in the last election. a group of city leaders, including tom mullins–head of economic development, campaigned for finish the ballot to allow for the sale of beer and wine for takeout. critically acclaimed stanley’s bbq had a fund-raiser with three bands, a buffet, and yard signs. cries of prohibition ended 80 years ago rang out through the city. admittedly, one baptist church unsuccessfully tried to have the proposal banned from the ballot. the hypocrisy and waste of gas to drive so far is over, unless you want liquor. as for the worship of sarah palin, president obama lost 73-26 to r-money in smith county! no democrat has carried the county for president since harry truman. don’t blame me.
damp “tyler, texas”