unicorninabottle
a nice person who will constantly ask you not to call her that because, “i’m really not.”
of course, those who get to know a unicorninabottle soon find that this self-deprecation holds some truth to it, as this fableinastable will usually own several murdersheds, endanger innocent lives by snapchatting on a bike, make more vulgar jokes than a h-rny clownfish, exhibit a severe dislike of matching socks, and talk like a preppy-ss black chick.
but past the s-ss and the houseless snails and the period-blood war paint, this mythical creature is anything but: she’s just a human, and a good one. she won’t pretend, she won’t hesitate to be blunt, and she will tell you the facts and reveal herself and your self to you as she sees fit, for everyone’s benefit. and in that way, she acquires a mythical status, whether she likes it or not, simply due to the rarity of such people.
keep friends like this close, and be careful not to make enemies of them. and for the love of g-d, don’t let them stay up til 4 am. things get real weird around 4 am.
unicorninabottle: “you are an amazing person. if you ever want to talk, i am here for you.”
responder: “aaaw, you’re such a unicorninabottle.”
if responder was a stranger
unicorninabottle: “nahw, i’m not really that nice. (◕‿◕✿)”
if responder was a friend:
unicorninabottle: “shut up, f-cko.”
if responder was a friend and it’s late at night:
unicorninabottle: “yeah i am, suck my d-ck ya punk”
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