use the phone
euphamism for needing to take an immediate, emergency-level wicked, gnarly sh-t.
originated from an incident where a very distant acquaintance went to a friend’s brand new house (they had just moved in,) took their portable house telephone, and christened their bas-m-nt bathroom by taking a long and very stinky sh-t while making several long-distance phone calls.
person1: dude! pull over, i need to use the phone!
person2: dude! we’re almost there! just hold it for half an hour and we’ll be at jake’s house. you can make your phone call there.
person1: dude! this is gonna be long-distance! pull over now!
<20 minutes later person2 emerges from the first toilet to be found on the side of the road>
person2: dude. hope the next tool p-ssing through doesn’t need tp.
person1: dude?!
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