Velocirapture
the long-prophesied second coming of raptor jesus.
repent, sinners and slow-moving herbivores, for the velocirapture is upon you
(veh-loss-ih-rap-chur)
the speed at which the apocalypse accelerates;
history repeating itself to the time when the dinosaurs were annihilated and earth reconstructed itself;
jesus christ comes back as a velociraptor and devours all of mankind;
29but immediately after the tribulation of those days the sun shall be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken: 30and then shall appear the sign of the velocirapture in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the velociraptor riding on the clouds of heaven with power and great glory. 31and he shall send forth his microraptors with a great sound of a battle cry, and they shall gather together his elect from the gates of jur-ssic heaven, from one end of earth to the other.
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