Wank Rank

a superior way of objectifying women.

instead of the inaccurate number system, whereby a women is given a number based on their level of attractiveness between 1-10, she may be better objectified according to her performance, perceived or otherwise, in the sack.
using the act of masturbation as a unit of measurement, a women may be ranked like so, in no particular order:
a w-nk and a half
a w-nk and a bit
a w-nk and three quarters, if she’s really good.
and…
worse than a w-nk

based on a universal, non-esoteric unit of measure, the w-nk rank is the preferred lay-person’s description of women.
guy 1: check her out, what do you think she is?
guy 2: a 6, getting on to 7.
guy 1: no, i mean what do you think she’s like, in bed?
guy 2: oh, you mean her w-nk rank?
guy 1: course.
guy 2: a w-nk and a half?
next day.
guy 1: so, how was she?
guy 2: in layman’s terms, a w-nk and a quarter.
guy 1: ooh, i’m sorry.
guy 2: yeah, it was disappointing. i’ve got to stop overestimating chicks. hey, i never heard what you thought.
guy 1: what, you mean what w-nk rank i gave her in my head?
guy 2: yeah. you’ve always been better at placing women than me.
guy 1: it comes with practice.
guy 2: so what did you think?
guy 1: well, it’s kind of pointless now, seeing as how you’ve already had s-x with her.
guy 2: well, i still want to know.
guy 1: it doesn’t matter.
guy 2: come on.
guy 1: you really want to know?
guy 2: yeah, of course.
guy 1: well… i kinda knew she’d be worse than a w-nk.
guy 2: what?
guy 1: yeah, you had a lot to drink last night, and you were seriously hung-over this morning, but yeah, she looked awful.
guy 2: worse than a w-nk? no way, she couldn’t have been that bad.
guy 1: no seriously, she was like an inch of makeup, cancerously tanned and looks like she may have a venereal disease.
guy 2: what? and you let me take her home?
guy 1: yeah, sorry about that.
guy 2: i could have gotten aids!
guy 1: yeah, it’s almost enough to make you stick to w-nking, or go gay.
guy 2: what?
guy 1: i said it’s enough to make you want to abandon women altogether.
guy 2: are you trying to tell me something?
guy 1: yeah.
pause.
guy 1: i’m gay.
guy 2: i gathered.