we need to talk

you are screwed.
“george, we need to talk. are you cheating on me?”
“f-ck.”
is your clue that you need to act quick.
if you’re good you’ll beable to dump her before she dumps you.
if you’re really good, you’ll f-ck her first and then dump her before she wants to cuddle.
-situation a-
woman: we need to tal…
man: (interupting) i’ve been thinking, and … you’re a sl-t. and i want your sister.

-situation b-
woman: we need to talk.
man: that sounds wonderful. i have been planning to have you come over to my place and to cook you a candle lit meal.
the plan: pick her up and take her to your place (she’ll feel dependent on you and won’t break up b/c she needs a ride home). suck it up and cook something she likes. include wine, cuc-mbers and good n plentys (they’ll all make her h-rny). after dinner play some good music. by then the wine will be kicking in and she’ll be doubting her earlier plans and you can work your stuff. it’ll be some of the best s-x you’ll have b/c she’ll have been through a bunch of woman emotional stuff. she’ll most-likely be on top too. once your done with firsts and possibly seconds. tell her you need to take her home so you can get to work tomorrow. dump her at her door step. do not back down and keep seeing her. if you do, she’ll dump you for sure in 4-7 days.
peace and happy masterbating.
womens secret code for : haha sonny, you’re f-cked.
honey, about our relationship, we gotta talk.
actually means, ‘i need to talk, you better listen’.

generally pr-nounced by a female voice
susan: dera, we need to talk.
sam: (time to put all my non-listening skills i been practicing)
1) the most pointless phrase in the english language because you are already talking when you say this.
2) means: you’re screwed.
3) signals the beginning of the end of a relationship.
4) your wife/girlfriend wants to b-tch about something. the perfect time to fake a heart attack.
1) a: we need to talk
b: we already are, dumb-ss.
2) a: we need to talk
b: ahh sh-t.
3) a: we need to talk
b: -packs bags-
4) a: we neeed to talk
b: -falls to the ground clutching heart-
female version of “i need to complain”
“we need to talk” will often be said after toilet seats are left in the upright position, and/or you come before she does and/or in the event of forgotten anniversaries.
variation of “i like you but you aren’t what i want”; “i need to complain about something”; “i’m a m-ff diving wh-r-”
x- hey sam?
sam- what?
x- we need to talk…
sam- oh sh-t…