Wet-Face Watermelon
a wet-face watermelon is a s-x act involving watermelon pop rocks, a spatula, industrial strength zip ties, pioneer valley gourmet cinnamon apple p-ssion syrup, h-llo kitty bandaids, and two pinecones from 1 to 3 inches in diameter. the book containing a description of this act, from g-ngb-ngs to bungalows: a comprehensive encyclopedia of kinks, hang-ups, and deviations, has been banned in almost every developed country, though rumor has it that this ritual is still a common practice among natives of micronesia.
alas, i guess we’ll never know just what a wet-face watermelon is.
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