Wigston
a cultural black-hole in the centre of england inhabitted by things approaching h-m–sapiens. notorious for its population’s inbreeding and disregard for social standards, wigston has become one of the top 50 ‘chav-towns’ of the uk. not unlike some other areas of the uk (such as scarborough et al.), wigston’s air is composed of very different substances to the rest of the world; at last test, the pot/cigarette smoke level was at 20,000 parts per million, making the air almost unbreathable by all except hardened residents and chavs.
despite the fact that the majority of wigston is a g-d-forsaken h-ll-hole, there are some isolated pockets of civilisation, such as where ‘the writer’ lives and birkenshaw’s geography cl-ssroom. other areas whose population’s combined iq is more than 10 include the public library and most of the local dog kenels.
places to avoid in wigston include willow park, blaby road park (commonly known as ‘down souf’), mcdonalds, welford road, little hill, guthlaxton college, south wigston, the monsell, oadby road and more-or-less everywhere else.
“y’all ever go to wigston?”
“yeah, went there last week.”
“what’cha think?”
“biggest piece of poc on the planet. i hope it gets nuked. oh, other than birkenshaw’s domain.”
“woo! birko!”
a typical wigston conversation:
“yoo b’lad!! yaz wanna go down ‘souf and eat some a’dose firecrackaz?”
“yeah, boi! soundez badazz!! shouldz ahh bring rahi!?”
“nahh mahn, he’z dah sh-t…”
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