as a friend

here’s the scoop, boys and girls. women pidgeonhole men into two categories, friend and jerk. men who are chivalrous, polite, sophisticated, etc. are instantly relegated to “friend” status. men who treat women like sh-t are “jerks.”

women love friends but consider them unf-ckable because they are not masculine enough. women hate jerks because they are -sswipes but f-ck them anyway. thus, every woman in the world f-cks jerks and then complains to her friend about how badly the jerk treats her.
just more proof that women are totally irrational.
29 more definitions
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used to draw the “no s-x/physical intimacy” boundaries. generally used for people who have an agreeable personality but no s-x appeal. a nice way of saying “i could never get on you.”
i know we’ve been dating a lot, but i just like you as a friend.
no s-x for you
“i like you as a friend, not s-xually but we can still hang out”
“f-ck that
a term of rejection used to soften the the blow when dumping someone.

often used with other phases like
“you are like a big brother to me.”
“you are such a nice guy.” and “it’s not you, it’s me.”
girl saying to boyfriend in training:
“you are such a nice guy, and i love you as a friend …… ”
means you can buy me things, put up with my bullsh-t, but you ain’t getting laid.
oh steve, i just think of you as a friend, not someone i’d f-ck or want to see naked.
used to “soften the blow” when you’re about to be frank with someone about their lesser qualities, or when giving advice they might not want to hear.
“i’m telling you as a friend: if you’re going on a date, you should take her out to to a restaurant, because your cooking really stinks.”

“i’m telling you as a friend, you really shouldn’t be drinking that much! i’m worried about you!”
used by someone who opts out of offered intimacy when they don’t fancy you.

“i’ll go out for a drink with you but as a friend.”
should be countered with

“but couldn’t i just sh-g you as a friend?”