Batch Monkey


(n.) commonly used to describe disgruntiled business owners that are unaware of the procedures needed to be taken in order to get paid from a credit card terminal, software, or pos device…

most people who are “batch monky’s” tend to believe that if they pay a monthly fee to run credit cards, it’s everyones else responsibility to make certain they get money in their pockets.
— “you guys have no idea how to do your job, i haven’t gotten a deposit in 3 weeks!! wtf is wrong with you -ssholes. i want my money now!! i pay you guys every month, where’s my money?!”

–“well, sir/ma’am it’s standard credit card processing procedure that you close your batch every evening after business, you’re missing $34,596.94 as a deposit?! simply close your batch!”

–“no one told me that i had to do that! okay, i’ll press the close batch b-tton next time, thanks… goodbye”

–“thank you for calling anyway…(click) you batch monkey -ss mothaf-cka, do my job. heh!”
phil batchelor: a man with a 20 inch dong.
whoah, i saw a batchmonkey in the showers today

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