Coffee Lag


the duration between the first sip of coffee and the body’s reaction to caffeine. generally, the speaker forces actions/words to come out faster than neural transmission without the aid of a catalyst (i.e., caffeine).

though applicable throughout the workday, coffee lag is especially perilous during the early hours, such as the morning commute, team meetings, and pseudo-serious conversations about life.

symptoms include rambling speech, awkward gestures, and grand delusions of vacation (often resembles daydreaming). note: coffee lag in an attractive person can be misdiagnosed as a hot mess.
bob: “…and-when-i-go-to-desk-i-make-copies-of-things-where-i-think-that-we-need-to-see-more-of-each-other-and-i-know-you-like-me-but-i’m-still-working-and-need-more-time-to-get-these-forms-back-to-you…”

jane: “so what i think what you’re saying is that you need a deadline extension…?”

bob: (sips coffee)

jane: “i’ll just come back after your coffee lag wears off.”
the time in the morning that’s in between grabbing your cup of joe, and the caffeine kicking in. usually spotted in drivers who don’t seem to be “all there” during the morning rush. as if they grabbed their coffee when leaving the house and hopped into the car immediately, instead of waiting for the effect before driving.
on my way to work this morning, i must’ve p-ssed ten people suffering from coffee lag, i don’t know if they even saw me.
caffeine withdrawal as a consequence of alterations to circadian rhythms leading one’s body to believe, at random periods during the day or night, that it is time for one’s next cup of coffee.
husband & wife return from trip to paris.
wife: why are you getting up in the middle of the night to make coffee?
husband: it’s so strange; i feel i need a café au lait.
wife: oh no, you must have coffee-lag!

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