Dave matthews Band

one of the many bands known to many “bros” and is also known to be good music to “bro out”, also has good music for a solid “bro rape”….

– derrick comedy
bro: “dude is gonna be so fun, bro! come on have some ale”
dude: “alright, bro..this is gonna be wicked”
bro: “okay, now take off ur pants”
-bro puts on famous dave matthews band song “ants marching”-
bland, middle-of-the-road band pop/jam band that appeals to the lowest common denominator of groups, ranging from housewives to douchebag fratboys and smelly hippies.
hippy: hey man-you like dave matthews band, too?

fratboy: f-ck yeah. there’s so much f-cking p-ssy at these concerts. look at that hot soccer mom. i bet she’s got a huge bush.

hippy: it’s natural, man-you know? how g-d made us.

fratboy: awesome bro. do you mind if i fondle your girlfriend while she’s p-ssed out?

hippy: hey, no problem man. i’m just gonna spin in circles and look at these glowsticks for a while.
dave matthews band is a talented band that took root in charlottesville, virginia during the early nineties. known for astonishing live performances, the band grew a cult following as diverse as the members, themselves. word first spread of the “tripping billies” from virginia through bootleg live recordings and counter-counter music festivals in 92. featuring a discography that expands on every emotion, the blend incorporates a mix of jazz, folk, and jam-band. benefiting from cl-ssically educated musicians, the mind-expanding arrangements have inspired music majors and instructors alike. the setlist is changed every night, meaning the band has dozens of intricate songs on memory, allowing 4 day-weekend performances. though the band’s personalities are charming, humble and inclusive, trendhumpers go out of their way to p-ss on these guys. for some, it’s an intolerance of all things masculine; for others, hatred is fueled by the stereotypes of dmb followers. one critique being how bland, stupid and generic the band is-for this crowd, two radio edits are enough to ignore the 50+ other gems. don’t be surprised if the david bowie loyalist in the purple v-neck quotes pitchfork media as a means of establishing his or her supremacy over your twelve years as a school-instructed musician. when defending dave, speak of how eco-friendly the band is and moved on-you were deemed bro from the start but planted a little dave seed, you may have.
hipster: hey man, what you listening to?

cellist: the dave matthews band! i just got their ne…

hipster: o no, bro (walks away)
a popular rock band the hit it big with their first alb-m under the table and dreaming in 1994. they have been a band since 1991. they formed in charlottesville, virginia when dave matthews searched around for potential band members. he found carter beauford, drummer; steffan lessard, b-ssist; leroi moore, sax; and boyd tinsley, violin. there were some others that played with dave, but those are the five official band members. since then dave matthews band has been nominated for 11 grammys and won one. they currently have 6 studio alb-ms.
dave matthews band is the greatest band ever!!
a boring band known less for their music and more for the time they accidentally dumped sewage from a tour bus toilet onto a boat full of people sightseeing in chicago.
dave matthews band music is perfect-if you want to fall asleep at the wheel and drive your car into a walgreens.
a band that each of it’s new releases is welcomed (along with the latest abercrombie & fitch catalog) by middle-cl-ss white kids.
dude #1 – “hey bro, did you get the new dave matthews band cd yet?”

dude #2 – “yeah, man; it’s great. let’s go to the mall”.
a very large band with not a lot of substance, named after an ego-maniac. no one ever knows when they have a new alb-m out, they just appear. it’s creepy. responsible for jack johnson and to a lesser extent, john meyer. (at least john meyer has comedy to fall back on.) they should not be listened to, especially by young women in frat-guy rooms. it leads to bad things.
guy: hey, have you heard the new dave matthews band single?
unsuspecting girl: no, i didn’t know released a new alb-m!
guy: dances to dave matthews band while touching himself
girl: leaves

←