Hampire

an overweight figure, most commonly found lurking about goth clubs after the successful plunder of a local honeybaked location. by the trail of honey glaze, the hampire is armed with a bodily odor so foul, that it asphyxiates those caught in the wake of its’ greasy treacle. should you encounter a hampire, it is said that the best defense against the foul pantry-dweller, is a good pair of cross-training shoes: if it can’t keep up with you, the hampire will soon loose all interest in you, favoring the closest emochilde it can snack upon.
“hey, where’d my sandwich go, and why does it smell like rancid bacon on this patio?”

“d-mn dude, did you see the size of that hampire that went past? that gloomcow almost stuck me to the floor with how much patchouli was funked onto her!”
a human who thinks they’re a vampire. usually a twitard.

used in the same way “wigger” is.
“man did you hear that crazy chick the other day in cl-ss?”

“yeah man, total hampire, i’d stay away from her.”

“who the f-ck wouldn’t?”
a fat psychobilly girl.
“check out that hampire! her t-ts are almost as huge as her hair!”